Lost In My Mind.

Lost. Floating in a deepening abyss.
Never ending, circling, spiraling downward.
This was supposed to be my paradise, why is it my downfall?
Like a fish out of water I roam. No purpose. No future.
What am I doing? Where am I going? If only someone could tell me.

This is my time. To do anything. To be anything. To go anywhere.
“Happiness is only real when shared”.
Where is my sharer, my sharee, my share and only?
Confusion engulfs me like a rough wave breaking against a cliff.
I’m on that cliff. I’m jumping off that cliff. I’ll never get out alive.

I’m glueless, never sticking to anything for more than a fleeting instant.
Never knowing a home. Always wanting a home.
Everything I thought I wasn’t I am, wanting everything I didn’t.
Panic. Drifting. The ever-expanding Universe is beckoning like a cackling clown.
Laughing at me. Ha ha ha.
Silly girl. Lost girl. Wandergirl.

Wanderlust. I can’t seem to find you. I can’t seem to find me.
Where’s Waldo?
Where’s anyone?
Where’s my mind?
Lost in my mind.

It’s only when you are free to do everything that you want to do nothing.
Lead a simple life.
Live for simple things.
Be simple.
Just be.

How do you make up a mind?
Plucking an idea like fruit from a tree. Bountiful, plentiful, and endless.
Where to begin is like where to end.
There are no instructions, no boundaries, no limits.
You’re on your own.

Constantly stumbling from one area code to the next.
I’m wishing for something more than just a bad dream.
I want to feel, to belong, to have a place.
I want to find my mind and use it, to show the world what I have to share.

There are no more headaches, lab reports or papers.
No more finals, pop quizzes or late night library trips.
But what is left after I’ve lost it all?
Where can I pick up pieces that have been scattered, shattered into shards so fine they could slice a feather?

But tomorrow is not today.
It’s not yesterday either.
Maybe tomorrow I will find my mind.
Maybe tomorrow will be the day.
And I smile.

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