on letting go & surrendering

God those words are overused, aren’t they? Just about drives me insane these days when they get mentioned in 99.9999% of instagram posts, on podcasts, on youtube…is everywhere. Implying that you are only an evolved, healed, and therefore awesome human once you’ve mastered these skills. As though they are actually skills to be mastered.

Well, here is a story about it. Lately I have been struggling. In ways I didn’t expect to be struggling. Well, I guess I knew there would be struggle. But I didn’t expect it to show up at the level of magnitude I had previously, in another life of mine. You see, I had meant to be risking everything right now. Changing it all, in pursuit of what I perceived to be more freedom. More freedom to be myself, do what I wanted, cultivate my dream life. You know, what everyone else is doing right now. Being more sovereign, or whatever the fuck you want to call it.

Here I am, about 6 months in. Maybe more fully just 3 months in. I cannot really ignore the screaming from the Universe any longer. ENOUGH. Is what its saying. Do I feel like a failure? Actually no, not anymore. In fact I don’t seem to care what other people, or even what I think anymore. I used to feel such pressure and all of a sudden my fucks are all gone. Maybe its apathy, maybe its just blatant realization that this is NOT working. I constantly feel so unsafe in my body and my environment that it is taking over everything I have been working so hard to build.

So, in 2023 there are no fucking resolutions. There are no revenue strategies, or business goals, or new moves, or programs or communities. There is just a stepping back to step forward. A realization that the things that come back to me are maybe actually supposed to be there. That its okay to do things in that way, and perhaps the new is actually finding a way to do them that doesn’t cause the struggle I have let it. Maybe thats the new path. One that then allows me to feel free and pursue my passion however the hell I want to. Not constantly chasing the best marketing strategy or building my brand or catering to my god damn target market. There is no solution I have to your problems. I am just a human trying to live my life. So I am going to start living mine in a way that is no longer just survival mode constantly trying to play catch up. I will live it abundantly in the gifts that I have, and hopefully have the opportunity help others along the way too.

Perhaps a return to truth. Stay tuned.